Courage!

Noun: The ability to do something that frightens one.

Was I frightened? No. I was in my chaos. I was letting my emotional program of seeking fulfillment through others dictate my actions, believing that my sense of aliveness and safety depended on someone else. My ego, in its relentless mission to keep me safe, had been steering the ship.

The last eight years have been a trip.

Speaking with a friend today, I realized just how much courage it took to fall in love—not just with another person, but with the journey ahead of me. I moved across the planet, away from my network, friends, family, and those who saw me and loved me. It was an act of bravery, yet one driven by an unconscious attachment to seeking external validation rather than cultivating fulfillment within myself.

Here’s the real lesson: Shadow work is vital, but retraining the ego is what unlocks true freedom.

In 2020, I faced some of my most transformative challenges. I fell seriously ill with COVID-19, bedridden for nearly a month, confronting the possibility of death multiple times. Recovery took four months, and just as I regained strength, I encountered profound spiritual realignments. A sweat lodge in the snow of New Mexico initiated a major energetic shift. Then came a romance that mirrored my chaos back to me—an experience that humbled me, broke my ego, and forced me to see the patterns I had been repeating.

In 2022, I moved to a new state, seeking a fresh start and a reestablishment of self. Yet, the same pattern emerged: dating as a means to find fulfillment. While I had spent long periods single, the moment an opportunity for romance arose, my ego would dive in headfirst, disregarding my true needs. It wasn’t about love—it was about validation. And each time, the cycle repeated, leaving me with the same sense of disconnection.

This realization demanded deep shadow work. I had to confront the deeply ingrained belief that my life was incomplete without a partner. My ego had crafted a narrative that fulfillment only came through romantic connection, despite my efforts to cultivate self-awareness. I had to redefine what self-love looked like—not as an abstract concept, but as a lived experience.

The last dating situation was different. I found a love within myself that redirected my choices. For the first time, I presented myself authentically in the moment, placing my needs first. I remained considerate of the other person, but it became quickly apparent that there was a vibration mismatch. The old me would have endured, clung to the relationship out of fear of loneliness. But this time, there was no wounding, no lingering chaos. I simply moved on, honoring my truth without hesitation.

Here’s the real lesson: Shadow work is vital, but retraining the ego is what unlocks true freedom. The ego is not the enemy—it is merely doing its job, reinforcing old versions of safety that no longer serve us. Courage is not just about stepping into the unknown; it’s about reprogramming the mind to accept a new reality, one where love is sourced from within rather than sought from others. It takes courage to look at yourself, acknowledge the illusions you’ve lived by, and rewrite the story.

Loving yourself is not just about self-care rituals or affirmations. It’s about breaking patterns, choosing differently, and standing in your own power, even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s about allowing your ego to evolve with you, training it to see self-love as the ultimate safety net. When that shift happens, you stop creating chaos—you step into divine grace and acceptance.

This is the courage to self-love. And it changes everything.